How Your Mind Traps You in Stressful Thinking Patterns

This post is part of my Protect Series, where I explore how our brains keep us on alert and ways to work with that wiring. You can start here for the full series overview.

Imagine this: You give a short presentation and someone yawns. Later, at a family dinner, your sister doesn’t laugh at your joke. On the walk home, a neighbor doesn’t wave back.

How did your mind narrate those moments?

“I’m boring. I said something wrong. They must not like me.”

That’s confirmation bias: your brain is looking for evidence that matches what it already believes.

Humans are wired to make quick sense of the world. In the past, this was a life-saving shortcut: imagine an early hunter spotting a large, unfamiliar animal charging toward them. There wasn’t time to analyze every detail; split-second decisions — run, hide, take cover — often meant survival.

Your brain often prioritizes speed and efficiency over accuracy, jumping to conclusions faster than you can blink.

Today, that same instinct shows up in everyday situations, especially around self-image. If you secretly fear you’re not interesting, lovable, or competent, your brain will notice everything that seems to confirm it:

• An unread message feels like rejection, even though the person is just busy.

• Your boss schedules a meeting out of the blue, and suddenly you’re convinced you messed up even if the task was fine.

• You hear your partner sigh in the other room and assume it’s about you.

Your brain is simply trying to make sense quickly, but that same shortcut can trap you in anxious loops and painful narratives.

Try this:
When you notice your mind drawing conclusions:

• Ask: “What else could be true?” or “How might someone else see this differently?”

That gentle curiosity creates space between what happened and what your mind decided it meant — making room for other possibilities.