When Your Mind Won’t Turn Off: Finding Calm on Restless Nights
You’re exhausted, but the second your head hits the pillow, your brain is off to the races!
Replaying that conversation from earlier
Writing tomorrow’s to-do list
Worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet…
You try deep breaths. You flip your pillow. You check the clock and think, “If I don’t fall asleep soon, I’m going to feel awful tomorrow.”
Sound familiar? You’re in good company.
For so many people, nighttime is when the thoughts get loudest.
The Harder You Try, the Harder It Gets
When sleep won’t come, we start pushing for it by trying to relax, trying to quiet our thoughts, trying to make it happen. But sleep doesn’t work like that.
Your brain means well. It’s just doing what it knows best: fixing things. It notices you’re not asleep and says, “Okay, there’s a problem here. Let’s sort this out.” So it starts scanning, replaying, planning, managing.
The harder it works, the more wound up you feel. Suddenly you’re not only awake, you’re awake and irritated that you’re awake.
Making Peace with Being Awake
What if the goal wasn’t to make yourself sleep, but to let yourself rest?
You might gently tell yourself, “Okay, I’m awake. I don’t love it, but I can still rest.”
You could notice the quiet hum of the house. The feeling of the blanket on your body. The steady rhythm of your breath.
Your thoughts will still wander, and that’s okay. You don’t have to wrestle with them or chase them down. Let them pass through like the cars you hear on a distant road…coming, going, fading away.
Ironically, it’s often when we stop trying to fall asleep that our bodies finally exhale and do what they naturally know how to do.
Rest Helps, Even When Sleep Doesn’t Come
Even if you can’t fall asleep right away, you can still give yourself something important: a break from the mental struggle.
Your body may start to soften. Your breathing might slow. Your mind may feel a little lighter. You’re not replacing sleep, but you are easing the extra exhaustion that comes from frustration, self-blame, and wrestling with your thoughts.
The less you battle yourself, the easier it becomes for sleep to arrive.
If your nights are often filled with racing thoughts or that pit-in-your-stomach feeling that won’t quit, therapy can help you find a calmer, steadier way to rest and support better sleep over time.
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